If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
