is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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