I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
