Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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