is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
