I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
