I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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