Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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