I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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