New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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