I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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