i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
