Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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