how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
