i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
