I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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