Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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