my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
