She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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