i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
