Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
