She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize