I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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