Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
