She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
