If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
