So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
