I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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