i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
