what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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