He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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