This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
