Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
