you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
