but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
