I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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