hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
