I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
