1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
