She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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