This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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