When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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