1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
cat food counts as protein by the way
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
