just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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