She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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