she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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