something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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