Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
