I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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