worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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