My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
