dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
