____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
