Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will be naked everywhere
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
