Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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