did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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