two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
