i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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