Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
