Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So vagazzling was a success
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
