Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
