Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
