mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
