I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
