Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
