She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
