If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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