if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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