Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
