You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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