She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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