Do you still have your period?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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