i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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