Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
