my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
