pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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