Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
