Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
