my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
