every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
