I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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