Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you traded sex for a burrito?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
