one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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