Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
