when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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