I love black thongs
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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