Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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