a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
