I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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